T’is the season for horror stories, and nothing sends me into a panic like a creeping Freebird. Classic rock is great, but there are a few songs so ubiquitous and overplayed that even though they are universally celebrated I must switch the station when they come on.
Freebird attacks you in a very unassuming way like the little compsognathus dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that bite with a numbing venom and devour their pray without the pray noticing. The euphoric introduction to the song lulls you into a sense of comfort, and if you are not immediately paying attention, you will not notice you are entering the Freebird trap for the next ten minutes.
Since Freebird is so ubiquitous, everyone knows the song – all the words and everything. Its almost instinctual to know Freebird at this point in human history. After listening to the beginning of the song you’re already in the Freebird stupor, and don’t even realize you’re singing the first lines.
“Eh-if I-hiiiiiiiiii leeeeeeeeave here to-mooooooooooooorooooooooooooooooow.”
It is not uncommon in most Freebird Creeps to sing the entire lyrical portion of the song. You don’t realize you’re singing Freebird until you actually sing:
“Won’t you flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeebiiiiiiiird. Holy shit! It’s Freebird!”
Then you begin to hastily scurry through the cars radio stations because you’re embarassed you’ve been Freebird Creeped once again. The problem is, once again, the ubiquity of the song and the fact that every other radio station is playing Freebird at a different part of the epic ten minutes, even the rap stations. The only way out is tuning to NPR, where they are probably having an in depth intellectual discussion about Freebird.