Archive for the ‘Dumbass Rock’ Category

Why George Thorogood is so Thorogreat.

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

I’ve never been able to tell if George Thorogood’s songs were serious or not. I never know if I am supposed to think they are funny or if I am supposed to be intimidated. Looking at the man’s career, I think this confusion played to his advantage. There is always the fanbase that takes everything at face value who hear “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” and think, “Shit-yeah, I love this song cuz it reminds me of drinkin’ and gittin’ drunk!” Then the other interpretation hears the music as being so over the top it’s almost cutesy. Cutesy enough to even sell diapers.

Only in the magical world of classic rock can a man’s music bridge a chasm so wide you’d struggle to see the other side.

George Thorogood is from Delaware, arguably the nation’s most irrelevant state. Delaware’s claim to fame is being the first state admitted to the Union, and two Joes, Biden and Flacco. All that pretty much pales in comparison to Thorogood, of course. A placid, Chesapeake lifestyle was of no interest to Thorogood, who like those in small states and quiet towns before him, just wanted to ROCK!!!

And rock he did, all the way to the tops of the charts. Thorogood rocked it simple, bluesy. His music took roots in rock’s origins. Yet came out overdriven, blowing out your speakers. Thorogood himself had the perfect voice for the music: a phlegmy baritone that sounded like a hotrod off a drag strip. If Fonzie had the option, he would have Thorogood play his theme music.

Thorogood’s voice and sound brought the traditional bluesy rock to a point it began to sound like a caricature, and that’s where the questions begin. Is Thorogood’s music a parody? I don’t know. It’s difficult to take Bad to the Bone seriously. As shown earlier, it’s been used to sell diapers.

Ultimately, like all great art, the music of George Thorogood remains wide open to interpretation. Was the Mona Lisa a self portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci? What happened to Dave at the end of 2001: Space Odyssey? Are George Thorogood’s songs parodies of rock and roll? Some questons may never be answered.

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The Freebird Creeper

Monday, October 26th, 2009

T’is the season for horror stories, and nothing sends me into a panic like a creeping Freebird.  Classic rock is great, but there are a few songs so ubiquitous and overplayed that even though they are universally celebrated I must switch the station when they come on.

Freebird attacks you in a very unassuming way like the little compsognathus dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that bite with a numbing venom and devour their pray without the pray noticing.  The euphoric introduction to the song lulls you into a sense of comfort, and if you are not immediately paying attention, you will not notice you are entering the Freebird trap for the next ten minutes.

Since Freebird is so ubiquitous, everyone knows the song – all the words and everything.  Its almost instinctual to know Freebird at this point in human history.  After listening to the beginning of the song you’re already in the Freebird stupor, and don’t even realize you’re singing the first lines.

“Eh-if I-hiiiiiiiiii leeeeeeeeave here to-mooooooooooooorooooooooooooooooow.”

It is not uncommon in most Freebird Creeps to sing the entire lyrical portion of the song.  You don’t realize you’re singing Freebird until you actually sing:

“Won’t you flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeebiiiiiiiird.  Holy shit!  It’s Freebird!”

Then you begin to hastily scurry through the cars radio stations because you’re embarassed you’ve been Freebird Creeped once again.  The problem is, once again, the ubiquity of the song and the fact that every other radio station is playing Freebird at a different part of the epic ten minutes, even the rap stations.  The only way out is tuning to NPR, where they are probably having an in depth intellectual discussion about Freebird.

Posted in Dumbass Rock, Rants, Songs ruined by their fans, Southern Rock | No Comments »

Two for Tuesday Troubles

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

First off, happy Two for Tuesday.  I am always greatful that Q95 provides this wonderful service for one of the more meaningless days of the week.  Whether it was inspiration or alliteration, maybe even both, Tuesdays have special meaning because of Two for Tuesday.

I’m driving into work this morning when the radio starts playing a Lynard Skynard song.  Skynard songs are so ubiquitous and entrenched into commercial soundtracks that when you hear their songs on the radio you barely notice.  Knowing it was Two for Tuesday I was anticipating what they would play next.  The two Skynard songs I like are “Three Steps” and “Mr. Saturday Night Special”, which is rarely played.  When the song ended, Q95 went right into a new Skynard song, which of course was awful.

Luckily it wasn’t the song about how terrible people were who didn’t agree with George W. Bush.  The new song was about how much they used to rock and all they stuff they used to sing songs about.  What’s the point?  You already sang songs about the Southland.  You don’t need to write a song about how you used to write songs about the Southland.

Of course they don’t, and of course it’s old band paycheck rock.  You could tell by their new sound, which is Nickelback-esque, that incredibly generic sound all the most popular modern rock bands use.  The sound of paycheck rock.

And since the music in the new song sounds like Nickelback, and it’s new, it’s not classic rock!  It’s a new song performed by an old band, and should not be on the classic rock station.  A rock song has to age around 15 years before it is classic rock.  An old band shouldn’t get grandfathered into a rotation because they had some good tunes back in the day, especially if they have nothing better to sing songs about than the songs they used to sing.  Come on!

Another Two for Tuesday incident happened last night when I was driving home.  As I’ve mentioned before and will continue to mention, I am no expert on classic rock and will never pretend to know everything about it.  I’m just an enthusiastic fan.  With that said, I have never been able to tell the difference between Journey and Foreigner.  Last night they had a Two for Tuesday with Journey and Foreigner together, four songs without interruption, and I have no idea who started or ended it.  There will be future blogs about both Synard and JourneyForeigner to come.

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Posted in Dumbass Rock, Inert Rock, Observations, Paycheck Rock, Rants, Two for Tuesday | 1 Comment »

Deep Purple

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

Deep Purple is the greatest rock band ever.  Never mind what I said in the last post; the Beatles are the default greatest band ever, but Deep Purple walks the fucking walk.  What did the Beatles ever say, “All you need is love?”  Are we that naive?  What if someone asked you, no, told you “Let’s go Space Truckin!’”  You’re getting in that truck.

Deep Purple came around that time in rock when things were starting to get stupid.  The politics and spirituality of the Sixties was coming to an end, but the party would not stop.  Deep Purple carried that torch into the next decade.

Both Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin were gaining attention around the same time in the late Sixties, and both have a similar chunky blues derivative about them.  Led Zeppelin veered off into a world of increasing complexities and Hobbits; the Viking hordes attacking the soft fields so green and moving through Kashmir.  While Led Zeppelin floated in the clouds Deep Purple was in your basement, packing your bong and lighting your black light posters.

Deep Purple beat you over the face with rock with lumbering visceral sounds that seemed to bubble from the belly of Satan and rattle your eardrums into submission.  They hold the Guinness record for “The Loudest Band”.  They never gave that shit to Motley Crue.

When my psychiatrist gave me a word association test the other day, one of the things he said was “classic rock”.  Even if I were responding beyond a subconscious state, I would have responded Deep Purple.  The psychiatrist was taken aback, like I had so many other bands to choose from.  How could I associate all of classic rock with Deep Purple?  The real question is, how can you not?

Classic rock in it purest form started in the Seventies where the venues got bigger, the speakers got louder, and everyone in the band had long hair, beards, and performed with their shirts open.  All the other bands of this golden era of classic rock had a gimmick or theme that drove the band.  Not Deep Purple.  If you stripped any of the golden era classic rock bands down to their basics, they would be Deep Purple.  That is why Deep Purple is the greatest classic rock band.

That, and because they rock.

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