Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

The Freebird Creeper

Monday, October 26th, 2009

T’is the season for horror stories, and nothing sends me into a panic like a creeping Freebird.  Classic rock is great, but there are a few songs so ubiquitous and overplayed that even though they are universally celebrated I must switch the station when they come on.

Freebird attacks you in a very unassuming way like the little compsognathus dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that bite with a numbing venom and devour their pray without the pray noticing.  The euphoric introduction to the song lulls you into a sense of comfort, and if you are not immediately paying attention, you will not notice you are entering the Freebird trap for the next ten minutes.

Since Freebird is so ubiquitous, everyone knows the song – all the words and everything.  Its almost instinctual to know Freebird at this point in human history.  After listening to the beginning of the song you’re already in the Freebird stupor, and don’t even realize you’re singing the first lines.

“Eh-if I-hiiiiiiiiii leeeeeeeeave here to-mooooooooooooorooooooooooooooooow.”

It is not uncommon in most Freebird Creeps to sing the entire lyrical portion of the song.  You don’t realize you’re singing Freebird until you actually sing:

“Won’t you flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeebiiiiiiiird.  Holy shit!  It’s Freebird!”

Then you begin to hastily scurry through the cars radio stations because you’re embarassed you’ve been Freebird Creeped once again.  The problem is, once again, the ubiquity of the song and the fact that every other radio station is playing Freebird at a different part of the epic ten minutes, even the rap stations.  The only way out is tuning to NPR, where they are probably having an in depth intellectual discussion about Freebird.

Two for Tuesday Troubles

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

First off, happy Two for Tuesday.  I am always greatful that Q95 provides this wonderful service for one of the more meaningless days of the week.  Whether it was inspiration or alliteration, maybe even both, Tuesdays have special meaning because of Two for Tuesday.

I’m driving into work this morning when the radio starts playing a Lynard Skynard song.  Skynard songs are so ubiquitous and entrenched into commercial soundtracks that when you hear their songs on the radio you barely notice.  Knowing it was Two for Tuesday I was anticipating what they would play next.  The two Skynard songs I like are “Three Steps” and “Mr. Saturday Night Special”, which is rarely played.  When the song ended, Q95 went right into a new Skynard song, which of course was awful.

Luckily it wasn’t the song about how terrible people were who didn’t agree with George W. Bush.  The new song was about how much they used to rock and all they stuff they used to sing songs about.  What’s the point?  You already sang songs about the Southland.  You don’t need to write a song about how you used to write songs about the Southland.

Of course they don’t, and of course it’s old band paycheck rock.  You could tell by their new sound, which is Nickelback-esque, that incredibly generic sound all the most popular modern rock bands use.  The sound of paycheck rock.

And since the music in the new song sounds like Nickelback, and it’s new, it’s not classic rock!  It’s a new song performed by an old band, and should not be on the classic rock station.  A rock song has to age around 15 years before it is classic rock.  An old band shouldn’t get grandfathered into a rotation because they had some good tunes back in the day, especially if they have nothing better to sing songs about than the songs they used to sing.  Come on!

Another Two for Tuesday incident happened last night when I was driving home.  As I’ve mentioned before and will continue to mention, I am no expert on classic rock and will never pretend to know everything about it.  I’m just an enthusiastic fan.  With that said, I have never been able to tell the difference between Journey and Foreigner.  Last night they had a Two for Tuesday with Journey and Foreigner together, four songs without interruption, and I have no idea who started or ended it.  There will be future blogs about both Synard and JourneyForeigner to come.

Beatles Backlash

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

The video game Rock Band released their Beatles volume about a month ago.  Everyone went nuts over the release of the video game.  Classic rock radio stations were dedicating days exclusive to the Beatles catalog with the DJs falling over themselves in the way they were lauding the music.  They never got that excited over Molly Hatchet.  VH1 started showing Beatles videos, but they weren’t actual videos, they were clips of the Rock Band video games.

Some New York myopic master craftsman of bloviation even declared Rock Band:Beatles to be the “most important video game ever.”  Fist of all, this guy probably never beat Super Mario Bros. and shouldn’t even get to talk about video games until he does.  And second…really?  Is jamming out Helter Skelter on a toy guitar going to open my eyes to life’s possibilities for the first time?  The basis for his title was the camaraderie and bridging of the generations the game would create.  The Wii already did that, taking videogames out of the basement and into the living room.  If mom wasn’t playing Wii, or any of the ten other Guitar Hero or Rock Band games out there, she’s not going to change her mind with this edition.

What makes the Beatles so great?  What makes them better than the Rolling Stones or the Kinks, both of which their contemporaries and still performing?  Pink Floyd, Velvet Underground, even the Beach Boys who were involved in a rivalry with the Beatles were experimenting and pushing the boundaries of rock and roll.  The debate never arises, like there are three certainties to life: death, taxes, and the Beatles are the greatest rock band ever.

The Beatles are credited for being the voice of their generation.  John Lennon is revered by many, even beyond Baby Boomers, as some mystical and spiritual institution.  People hang off his words and ideas like they have any more philosophical and spiritual meaning than Peter Noone’s.  Love, love, love wasn’t a two way street.  Lennon was a documented misogynist.  After all, this is the guy who wrote Norwegian Wood, a song about buring down some lady’s house because she wouldn’t sleep with him.  Paul McCartney is considered the asshole Beatle since he wanted to take what was so pure, magical and creative as the Beatles’ music and capitalize its lucrative potential to the max.  That drove the rift between John and Paul.  Selling records isn’t cool, and by that rational Ringo is by far the coolest Beatle.

Initially I blame the Baby Boomers for holding the Beatles in their lofty position in rock history.  Baby Boomers are convinced everything they ever did is the most important thing the world has ever seen.  Their ideas were infallible, their culture was absolute utopia, and their music was truly peerless; no other band shall ever approach the brilliance the bands of the 60s achieved.  I blame the Baby Boomers for a great many other things, like the ruinous state of the world.  We now see few of the radical ideas of the Baby Boomers ever changed the world.  We’ve moved on, except for the music, which even contemporary music publications linger the standard bands of the Sixties as the apex of music.

Ultimately, the Beatles were a perfect storm of a band, probably never to be repeated in the predictable future of music.  Their pop hits and friendly charm in the early Sixties built a base of loyal teenie-boppers (The damn New Kids on the Block are on a successful tour right now).  Plus with such a narrow and yet to be fragmented range of popular music at the time more people defaulted to liking the Beatles with the limited other options.  Then when all music went psychedelic, so did the Beatles, and so went their fanbase for the ride.  All of a sudden the teenie-boppers are all Hari Krishnahs and the Beatles are the greatest band ever for their creative daring, even though every other band was doing similar things.

Rock more or less peaked in the Sixties.  Though it hasn’t become less popular per se, rock’s diversity began to grow and splinter into different categories as did the rest of popular music.  Music has splintered into exponential categories and subcategories that appeal to their certain niche and never gather as substantial an audience as the Beatles enjoyed in the Sixties.  All that, and they made pretty good music too.

There is no good way to write about the Beatles.  If you fawn all over them you sound like everyone else in the world.  But if you critique the Beatles you’re that guy, that contrarian who’s just being a jagg trying to get a rise out of people cuz everyone loves the Beatles.   I’ve come to the conclusion that the Beatles will be the greatest band in the history of music for at least the next twenty years.  By then maybe there will be a consolidation of media as more companies buy other companies offering less options for receiving information.  Until then, the Beatles are the greatest rock and roll band ever.  Second best, Deep Purple.